I am divorced and share joint custody of my 7 year old daughter with my ex. currently, our divorce papers state that he is to have our daughter 183 days per year while I have her 182. there is no laid out plan as to who has her what days. we have been following the same custody schedule for the past 3 years except a month ago, I started taking her more (he only has her 12 days a month now per his request).
a few weeks ago, my daughter expressed wanting to get baptized at my church along with her 8 year old sister. we took the necessary classes and when I told my ex about it (b/c I felt he had a right to know about it and attend eventhough he is not christian and doesn't go to church), he proceeded to be a complete jerk about it saying he wouldn't allow it b/c she was to be baptized at his church which he NEVER attends-his mother does. my ex has only been to church 3 times in the past 8 years and it's only been on christmas twice and easter once. he knows nothing of how a traditional baptism goes and couldn't even tell me what a testimonial was (which is what my daughter had to write out in order to be baptized). he threatened me saying if I go ahead with the baptism against his wishes, it was in violation of the court papers b/c he is the said custodial parent and has all the rights when it comes to making educational decisions-he then stated that the lawyer he talked to told him that anything having to do w/religion is considered education and that technically, I can't even take her to church on sundays w/out his permission. He told me that if I went through with the baptism- he would take me to court to file for full custody and then said that he would tell the judge he signed our divorce papers (which he filed for in the first place and had HIS lawyer fill out as he wanted them) under duress and that him not requesting child support or alimony needs to be reversed. I told him he was being severely selfish and not putting our daughter first. this was HER decision-not his or even mine. she even told him in front of me that he doesn't go to church and she doesn't want to be baptized at his mom's church-she wants to do it with her sister.
I plan to go ahead with this baptism b/c I feel it is time sensitive due to my daughter's age. This is something she approached me with, had a complete and accurate grasp of what it meant, and I feel I would not be a good parent if I didn't honor it. the only reason her dad is fighting it is b/c he selfishly want to be the FIRST one to do everything (his reasoning behind this is that I already have 2 other daughters so I shouldn't be allowed to ever do anything first with my 7 year old) so I don't feel I should honor his request-it's not for the right reasons...
I live in AZ so I want to make sure I can get her baptized without him being able to file something against me. as to my knowledge-church things were NOT considered education unless the child was enrolled in a christian school so his info, in my eyes is incorrect and won't hold up in court. I also know for a fact, he can't go in and request a custody change over this-the only way an az court will change custody is if the child is being negatively affected which she is not-she is with me most of the time b/c he expressed not being able to take care of her anymore b/c of his health (he's on all sorts of pain meds, muscle relaxers, and antidepressants).
thoughts? am I doing the right thing?!!Can he legally get me in trouble for this?In my opinion, you are doing the right thing, but be prepared in case he does make an issue out of it. If he takes you to court, file a counter claim for yourself to get full custody. Keep accurate records of how often she is with you to show that he is keeping her less than agreed, if possible, find out what meds he takes and why he takes them, that could indicate that he should not be responsible for a 7 year old. What medications he is on will be considered private, so you will have to make conversation with him and get him to tell you. Act cool and don't let him know you are planning on filing a counter-claim. Keep a copy a the testamonial your daughter wrote in order to be baptized, so that you can prove that she had a complete understanding in what she was doing and you were following HER wishes. He may be making empty threats, but be prepared in case he isn't. A calendar showing that he willingly is allowing her to stay with you more will be helpful. Also check into getting your daughter some counseling, maybe at school so it will be under his radar, so you can have some documentation that this child feels happier and more secure with you. Good Luck.Can he legally get me in trouble for this?This sounds like a %26quot;Malicious Mother Syndrome%26quot; to me.
Just trying to show the Father who is boss.
No interest in the child what-so-ever!
Keep on supporting these lawyers, judges, and courts. This kind of stuff is there only way of making a living. They are counting on you and your money to support themselves.
