Because it often happens that one person can change my outlook. So, at least try. Thanks in advance... and bear with me. I'll try to make it short...
I'm 18. My hubby is 25. Our daughter is 14 months. His daughter is 4 1/2 years.
His ex hates my guts and her and her friends talk shyt on me all the time.
But she left her daughter for 3 whole months with her mom to go off with some guy in another city.
She still lives with her mom (and dad, sister, nephew, fiance, and 2 other ppl) all 300+ lbs
No job, no aspirations. Gets state assistance and child support.
They let the 4 yr old do basically anything. Eat straight butter. The goo outta glo sticks. You name it.
Now before you start asking about ME, I'll tell you in as short as possible. Found the hubby, fell in love after 2 weeks, engaged at a month, pregnant at 4 months, married a week after that. Pregnancy sucked because of morning sickness I got my ged. Became a SAHM. Never been gone from her for a minute. Don't smoke or drink or party or do drugs. Take care of 100% her like a mother is supposed to. Keep the house spotless. I massage my hubby every day before work. Make him coffee and breakfast. All of it. 100%. And I don't mind, because I know someday I'll get to do me and this is the life I chose and I'm living it. Very well. So I'm not the typical teen mom. I don't even consider myself a teen. It's just a technicality that no one gets.
Anyways. We moved 400 miles away from our home town and have to spend $1500 a month to see his kid for 3 days which he only gets to see her 11 hours of because of her mother who purposely take her out of town the first and last day. My baby and I visit my mother and sister while he sees his kid because we are not welcome there in any way.
I really want to change custody to where I can get to see her too and where she can come stay with us a weekend or a week or something like since she's about to start school-- during the summer, xmas and spring break, and us visit her whenever we can. Ya know? It'd be so much simpler and more accomodating to all. But my hubby thinks there will be too much rivalry between them if she stayed here. And he doesn't want the child support amount to change (since it was put seperately at $500 a month flat in the divorce decree) but I don't think it could since it was agreed upon, I think she would have to appeal it seperately, just as we would have to appeal the visitation.
Plus I am having medical issues with future fertility and I definitely want another child, but we're afraid that if we wait much longer, it won't be possible as cervical, uterine, and/or ovary cancer strikes everyone in our family history before the age of 21. I would want a 100% healthy pregnancy and the only way to ensure that is to do it now, while I'm still healthy. But I'm having second thoughts now because of how little I feel we see him. He is supposed to work 7 days on, 7 days off. But lately, he's been working an extra day set in. So it's 8 on, 6 off. But on top of that, once a month he has to work an extra 3 days making it 11 on, 3 off. Those weeks we don't travel to see her. So on the rare occasion he gets a full 6 days off, it's wonderful. But usually it's 4-5. So once sometimes twice a month we go down there and rent a hotel for 2 nights and stay 3 days. Most of that time he is with her, or otherwise occupied (I don't remember specifics. All I know is he's not with us) or we spend a tiny bit of time together (mnts, zoo, etc) which is nice. But we never really have any time to just be at home. It's always rush rush rush. Plus the 10 hour ride down there (we go at night so it's less traumatic because she loathes car seats). 40 hrs in a truck a month. Wow. That is a lot of wasted time. I hate it.
Plus, at home, I don't have a TX drivers license, because I'm scared to drive in big cities alone. Traffic scares me. I do ok when he is with me, but otherwise, well, I wouldn't know. But I'm braving up and getting one this week, along with a car to call my own.
And he is switching to night shifts permanently so we get him in the afternoon 1-2 hrs when he works.
I very much appreciate your help/advice. What should I do about all this?
Oh and we move once a year. His work migrates. Oilfield.
Would that make us %26quot;unstable%26quot; in court of law?Can someone come along and shed some light and make my day/night better?Wow. I feel so badly for you. One thing at a time....
First, you and your husband NEED to become a UNITED front and family....this is to validate your marriage to ALL of those people in your lives. AND you need to stand together so that ALL of those people will respect your marriage. Your husband needs to man up and set boundaries to his exes mother and enforce HIS right to see his child.
I can tell you, that it is difficult to %26quot;blend%26quot; a family. Your husband, if he truly wanted to see his child, would....period. He would NOT allow his exes mother to run off with her and commandeer all of his child's time. And that is okay, if he doesn't have his heart in it. I can understand that. Your husband's job and responsibilities are taking a tremendous toll on him. And you.
Secondly, you are NOT superwoman. Stop trying so hard. Be yourself and STOP hiding. Your husband and you need to stop violating the sanctity of your marriage, by basically....living apart. That is just showing the whole world how little you mean to each other. If your husband does not respect his marriage.....why would anyone else? Job or no job. Nothing and no one should be above your spouse. You are supposed to be second ONLY to God. Period. You are not even supposed to be second to his child.
Thirdly, your needs and feelings DO matter. Stop invalidating your needs and making excuses for your husband. He seems like a hard worker and I respect that. But.....your husband should NEVER be visiting anyone, even his child, without you. What do you think that message conveys to others, when he does that? Step up to the plate and announce to all of these people, by action, that you do matter and that you are your husband's wife. And your husband needs to step up to the plate and stand by you....for better and worse, richer and poorer, sickness and in health.
Stop being less important than your husband's past life. He is supposed to be building a future with you and for you and your child.
Nothing else should matter.....No one else should matter.....Period.
God bless you and good luckCan someone come along and shed some light and make my day/night better?Short answer: no.Can someone come along and shed some light and make my day/night better?You shouldn't care that his ex hates your guts, and her friends talk mess about you. Just look at it as jealousy, because she lost him to you, Married life isn't easy and im sure he might be a little more stressed than you are considering he works a lot and is trying to feed his four year old and support his family. just try to be there for him and you gotta be strong and hope that it will all pay off in the future. A way too make those loathe-able car rides more bearable, try coming up with a game you two can play or you can use it as an opportunity to get closer to each other and make your relationship more stable. Im not sure that would make you guys unstable because people can manipulate that word into many different meanings, but there is a chance that would because it doesnt provide a stable environment for the child. Be optimistic and try to prove yourself as capable of being abole to handle another child even if it is for just a week.
Could you please answer mine
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?Can someone come along and shed some light and make my day/night better?I think you should keep trying for bubs #2, even if things dont work out with ur hubby down the road u seem pretty set on having kids now, as it looks like there wont be another chance later on. As you can see from my question also, I hate the working hours. Its very frustrating. But it puts food on the table and keeps things comfortable which i guess all we can really ask for.. i really think that his ex needs to grow up and pull her finger out her a** and stop being so selfish! definately sit down and talk with ur hubby bout custody over certain periods, he is with you now and you need to express that what limited time you have together shouldnt continually be taken control over by her! it will make her feel as though she still has the control there by the sounds of it. theres children involved, and as you said custody will make things so much easier, it sounds very one sided at the moment. apart from that i cant really think of much else to say, sorry i couldnt be of more help. Good luck hun. xx
