this is long but ALL details are necessary-if u don't want to appropriately answer my question or read all the info-please don't answer. thank you....
I am divorced and share joint custody of my 7 year old daughter with my ex. currently, our divorce papers state that he is to have our daughter 183 days per year while I have her 182. there is no laid out plan as to who has her what days. we have been following the same custody schedule for the past 3 years except a month ago, I started taking her more (he only has her 12 days a month now per his request).
a few weeks ago, my daughter expressed wanting to get baptized at my church along with her 8 year old sister. we took the necessary classes and when I told my ex about it (b/c I felt he had a right to know about it and attend eventhough he is not christian and doesn't go to church), he proceeded to be a complete jerk about it saying he wouldn't allow it b/c she was to be baptized at his church which he NEVER attends-his mother does. my ex has only been to church 3 times in the past 8 years and it's only been on christmas twice and easter once. he knows nothing of how a traditional baptism goes and couldn't even tell me what a testimonial was (which is what my daughter had to write out in order to be baptized). he threatened me saying if I go ahead with the baptism against his wishes, it was in violation of the court papers b/c he is the said custodial parent and has all the rights when it comes to making educational decisions-he then stated that the lawyer he talked to told him that anything having to do w/religion is considered education and that technically, I can't even take her to church on sundays w/out his permission. He told me that if I went through with the baptism- he would take me to court to file for full custody and then said that he would tell the judge he signed our divorce papers (which he filed for in the first place and had HIS lawyer fill out as he wanted them) under duress and that him not requesting child support or alimony needs to be reversed. I told him he was being severely selfish and not putting our daughter first. this was HER decision-not his or even mine. she even told him in front of me that he doesn't go to church and she doesn't want to be baptized at his mom's church-she wants to do it with her sister.
I plan to go ahead with this baptism b/c I feel it is time sensitive due to my daughter's age. This is something she approached me with, had a complete and accurate grasp of what it meant, and I feel I would not be a good parent if I didn't honor it. the only reason her dad is fighting it is b/c he selfishly want to be the FIRST one to do everything (his reasoning behind this is that I already have 2 other daughters so I shouldn't be allowed to ever do anything first with my 7 year old) so I don't feel I should honor his request-it's not for the right reasons...
I live in AZ so I want to make sure I can get her baptized without him being able to file something against me. as to my knowledge-church things were NOT considered education unless the child was enrolled in a christian school so his info, in my eyes is incorrect and won't hold up in court. I also know for a fact, he can't go in and request a custody change over this-the only way an az court will change custody is if the child is being negatively affected which she is not-she is with me most of the time b/c he expressed not being able to take care of her anymore b/c of his health (he's on all sorts of pain meds, muscle relaxers, and antidepressants).
thoughts? am I doing the right thing?!!Can he legally get me in trouble for doing this?I don't think you should rely on an anonymous answer/question board to make a decision like that. If he actually talked to his lawyer about it and gave you that ultimatum, why would you even question that without talking to YOUR attorney?
I'm sorry you're dealing with all this. In my world, I would let her get baptized in both churches. I mean, it's the same God, yes? I have no idea what all the details would be around that decision but I think if I was that close to it and had a husband that was fighting it so much to take legal action, I would make sure all my bases were covered. Sad that you two can't come to an agreement about something like this for your daughter. Sad for your daughter that she knows there is tension and threats regarding her baptism.
I think you need to resolve this issue very quickly and without stressing your little girl over it.
****Can he legally get me in trouble for doing this?No he can't. No more then you could do the same to him for doing the same with whatever religion/denomination he follows.Can he legally get me in trouble for doing this?No. This may have been a choice of your daughter, but she is going to be paying for this for a LONG time since it has started a long and decisive battle between her parents. The right thing would have been to sit the three of you down and discuss her choice BEFORE you started classes. This way your ex could have felt as if the decision was something that was made, not forced upon him.
You may get her baptized, but I'm sure the court battles that are going to happen and the tension this will leave will leave more of an impact upon her than the day itself . . .which is sad.Can he legally get me in trouble for doing this?i don't know about the law in your specific area but i want to give you some advice as a parent myself.
parenting children while not together is very difficult, mainly because these problems arise.
i wholeheartedly agree that the decision regarding the baptism should be made by your daughter, however from the sounds of your explanation it is causing a conflict between yourself and your ex husband.
it is the responsibility of both parents to ensure the best for their children and the right of both to be involved in all decisions.
what you should do is sit down all three of you together and fully discuss the idea allowing everyone, especially your daughter, to express their opinions and feelings.
there is no point between the two of you arguing or laying blame over this that will only distress your daughter.
all parental decisions should be made by both of you together, he probably feels like he is being left out of his daughter's life which would distress any parent.
I'm not making excuses for his behavior I'm just saying the two of you need to work as a team to parent your daughter, ultimately she is the important one out of the three of you.Can he legally get me in trouble for doing this?Go ahead and get the child baptised you have joined custody and as long as you feel its beneficial to your daughter then theirs nothing legally that he can do.Education in a religious sense refers to choice of school including Sunday school that you may wish your daughter attends. You ex is trying to bully you into submission and I strongly suggest that you get legal advice to ward him off. Don't listen to his piffle about your kid being negatively affected. Listen I don't think that he'll be willing to go through with the whole court thing again at the risk of loosing. This is why he's trying to call you bluff. Do what is best for your daughter and enjoy the baptism. Send him an invite. Good luckCan he legally get me in trouble for doing this?What you are doing is totally right and understandable but what he is doing also may be reasonable for him. If it has become an issue where things may get dragged to court i would suggest you take a legal advise. It may cost u few bucks but it may save you from lot's of useless stress, wastage of money and time.
All the bestCan he legally get me in trouble for doing this?no he cannot
