this is long but ALL details are necessary-if u don't want to appropriately answer my question or read all the info-please don't answer. thank you....
I am divorced and share joint custody of my 7 year old daughter with my ex. currently, our divorce papers state that he is to have our daughter 183 days per year while I have her 182. there is no laid out plan as to who has her what days. we have been following the same custody schedule for the past 3 years except a month ago, I started taking her more (he only has her 12 days a month now per his request).
a few weeks ago, my daughter expressed wanting to get baptized at my church along with her 8 year old sister.We are avid christians and attend church every sunday that I have her. we took the necessary classes and when I told my ex about it (b/c I felt he had a right to know about it and attend eventhough he is not christian and doesn't go to church), he proceeded to be a complete jerk about it saying he wouldn't allow it b/c she was to be baptized at his church which he NEVER attends-his mother does. my ex has only been to church 3 times in the past 8 years and it's only been on christmas twice and easter once. he knows nothing of how a traditional baptism goes and couldn't even tell me what a testimonial was (which is what my daughter had to write out in order to be baptized). he threatened me saying if I go ahead with the baptism against his wishes, it was in violation of the court papers b/c he is the said custodial parent and has all the rights when it comes to making educational decisions-he then stated that the lawyer he talked to told him that anything having to do w/religion is considered education and that technically, I can't even take her to church on sundays w/out his permission. He told me that if I went through with the baptism- he would take me to court to file for full custody and then said that he would tell the judge he signed our divorce papers (which he filed for in the first place and had HIS lawyer fill out as he wanted them) under duress and that him not requesting child support or alimony needs to be reversed. I told him he was being severely selfish and not putting our daughter first. this was HER decision-not his or even mine. she even told him in front of me that he doesn't go to church and she doesn't want to be baptized at his mom's church-she wants to do it with her sister.
I plan to go ahead with this baptism b/c I feel it is time sensitive due to my daughter's age. This is something she approached me with, had a complete and accurate grasp of what it meant, and I feel I would not be a good parent if I didn't honor it. the only reason her dad is fighting it is b/c he selfishly want to be the FIRST one to do everything (his reasoning behind this is that I already have 2 other daughters so I shouldn't be allowed to ever do anything first with my 7 year old) so I don't feel I should honor his request-it's not for the right reasons...
I live in AZ so I want to make sure I can get her baptized without him being able to file something against me. as to my knowledge-church things were NOT considered education unless the child was enrolled in a christian school so his info, in my eyes is incorrect and won't hold up in court. I also know for a fact, he can't go in and request a custody change over this-the only way an az court will change custody is if the child is being negatively affected which she is not-she is with me most of the time b/c he expressed not being able to take care of her anymore b/c of his health (he's on all sorts of pain meds, muscle relaxers, and antidepressants).
thoughts? am I doing the right thing?!!Can I legally do this w/out him getting me in trouble for it?!!?I don't know law in AZ
I know that if you were in AL %26amp; if he really were granted %26quot;Custodial Parent%26quot; then you would have been in violation if he advised you NOT to do something pertaining to %26quot;how-to%26quot; raise this child
Even though you have your daughter more frequently, you still do not have %26quot;Custodial Parent%26quot; Rights (if I am reading correctly)
Fist -- establish who is Custodial Parent... read the divorce papers
Second HIRE YOUR OWN ATTORNEY
Consider taking it back to court %26amp; asking for custodial parent status on the basis that he has said he can't meet his alloted time due to his health issues
if he really plans on going thru with filing... then you will be able to clearly point out to the judge that the divorce agreement was written out by his attorney at his request
I am not going to get into christian vs non-religious
I am not going to get into if you can or can't take her to church
I am not even going to get into if you should or should not do the baptism
I understand what you are saying that you are supporting her desire to be baptised with her sister at the same place, same time.... However, I can see where he would have a leg to stand on saying that you are pushing %26quot;your way%26quot; as opposed to %26quot;his way%26quot; %26amp; if he is, in fact, the Custodial Parent... then you would have a problem
No matter if parents are married or divorced, these clashes take place all the time... sadly, the only REAL victims are the children that have to endure the tyranting between the 2 parents.... regardless of the outcome
I will say this... If I were in your shoes, and if I really felt this was my daughter's deep desire %26amp; not something that I overly influenced.. then I most likely would do it anyway
however, you might not want to tell him this because he might conviently decide to keep her away from you on the day this baptism is planned
Sorta like parents who argue over how old a girl should be when her ears are pierced.... and then suddenly one parent brings the kid home with pierced ears... what is the other parent to do at that point? it has already been done.... agreed upon or not by both partiesCan I legally do this w/out him getting me in trouble for it?!!?i was a trouble maker but even if i wasn't she would never like me ... So anyway I can guarantee he is jealous of you even if you and you're mom aren't that close. ... I do know how you feel I've been there hun :) Good Luck e-mail me maybe ... find the time to sit and talk with your mom without him being there,Can I legally do this w/out him getting me in trouble for it?!!?seperation of church and state
no court can make a judgement on your choice of religion either way
its illegal
so he is blowing smoke out his azzCan I legally do this w/out him getting me in trouble for it?!!?Of course you are doing the right thing. Its called spiritual warfare what is going on. I am a christian and i believe noone can fight God and win. Let your daughter go ahead with baptism - God will fight for you. Ex hubby - just pray about him. It will sort itself out.
