I'm hoping this is posted in the rigth category, b/c when I post things like this is marraige and divorce, I end up getting trashed. I am a stepmom of a 12 y/o 5th grader (his dad and I have been together for 4 yrs., bio-mom and ny hub have very trenuious relationship- cannot talk to each other). My hub had custody of him from 9 months to age 8, when the child was sexually abused by mom's older son (my stepson's half brother- stepson was 6, brother was 14). brother was put away in juvenile dentention, and somehow theh courts thought when they asked the chhild where he wanted to live, he said mom, so custody was changed. Mom made it impossible for my hub to remain involved in school, medical, etc. so we write directly to the sources.
Recently (we live 5 houses away from the ex and son), the older brother was arrested while in his residential half way house porgram (we only found out b/c the teacher told us half brother brought him to school). He was bailed out by mom in mid Dec, and his trial has been postponed twice.
Since borther moved in (and some of this has been beforehand), the 12 y/o stepson has been sinking fast....he lies to me and hubby, the teacher (we email each other one to twice a wk), hasn't been doing hmwk (all midterms say he lacks personal resonsibility), his medical problmes are thru the roof (he's 100+ lbs overweight w/ hi cholestrol, being seen by specialtist, but mom and kid don't do what's told).
Over the weekend, my hub and I have begun to see how far behind the kid is- (he was made to repeat kindergarten becuase mom wouldn't take him on her visitation days 2 weekdays a week, so he technically went parttime) he can't write cursive, doesn't know his math facts (multipllication division, etc), doesn't know personal info like either mom or dad's address (In case of emergency), his birthday, can't recite days of the week on order and months in order, etc. I can't figure out how school continues to pass him to the next grade if he has this much trouble. Last week, my hub got an email from the teacher and had to go to school monday b/c first he teased a female classmate to tears that she had breast cancer and was going to die, then an hour later the teacher intercepted a story he wrote of %26quot;sexual and inappropriate content.%26quot; My husband and I have questoinsed the courts how can the abusive borther live in the same house as the victim, and school on how they are so blind as to the issues (Maryland apparently has a no child left behind theory, but how is he supposed to make it)...in other things, he's taken pocket knives to school, and when a letter came home last week about some chhild suicides going on in our area, he joked at lunch to classmates he was going to kill hiimself-- launching a intervention of calling both parents, adn pulling hiim fromm class.
We don't have money to go to court and request a change of custody, and at this point the child resents both of us becasue we have rules (no computer until grades come up, clean your room, eat what we give you, no snacking,etc) and we make to much for legal aid to help. I'm going to write a letter to the teacher and superintendent voicing my concerns, but I'm looking to see if anyone can name other %26quot;common sense things%26quot; that should be known at this point of a 12 y/o.
Thanks to all- I apprecate your helpWhat are some common sense things that a 12 y/o should know?Wow you are in a pickle! Yes, your son should know things like his birthday, parents addresses, also work phone numbers, emergency contact, basic health information (what he is allergic too), but I think he has a lot more problems than just not understanding %26quot;common sense%26quot;.
He needs counseling. There should be local (free) programs to help your son. There are cases where children who were abused turn into abusers, and him living with his abusers cannot be healthy.
You and your husband need to do everything you can to get him far away from the dysfunction and into a healthy and stable environment.
My sympathies are with you. Please stay strong and keep fighting for your son.
