Tuesday, October 25, 2011

What would be the best response a 14 year old female can give when their mother blatantly lies to her?

This is a sad situation that has gone on for years and has progressed to the point that psychiatrists have been called in. Unfortunately, it is the child who has been pulled out of school by her mother and forced into treatment when it is the mother who has the biggest problems as a well-known pathological liar who refuses to admit she has any of her own issues.



So when the mother blatantly lies to the 14 year old and tries to manipulate her in a way that reminds one of %26quot;Mommy Dearest%26quot;, the 14 year old reacts because she knows what is coming -- a complete invalidation of her point and some kind of punishment for something she doesn't deserve, just because she objected to Mommy's lies.



So when the 14 year old reacts, the mother throws up a wall and the two go after it like two scorpions in a bottle. This is not healthy. There should be a better way to resolve conflict.



But for the purposes of this question, assume you cannot do anything about the mother who is absolutely intractable and will not change her ways to save the world. The only mature, responsible and honest one here is the 14 year old (a straight-A student with no record of bad behavior from any past teachers). How can the 14-year old REACT to or DEAL with her mother when she knows she is being lied to an manipulated or punished unfairly? Her reaction to date -- i.e. getting excited and upset -- is not working. She needs to find a more STRATEGIC way to overcome this conflict and hopefully get it resolved.



For the time being, assume a custody change is not immediately possible. The question is how to empower the 14 year old with a better conflict resolution technique when she is crossed and attacked unfairly in the moment.What would be the best response a 14 year old female can give when their mother blatantly lies to her?This is unfortunately not an uncommon situation.

The trouble is often exasperated by agencies set-up to help children who believe everything the adult / parent says! (You'd think they would know better!)



But to answer your question - I agree with the previous answer - find a foster home, but that might also have a negative effect on the 14 year old EG being separated from siblings etc., being forced to move from friends, school...



Realistically, there's not much a teenager can do except remain stoically totally assured of their righteousness / believing their view/s are totally correct / justified... and developing a thick outer skin, like a ducks, so they can laugh off every attempt to undermine them.



That doesn't mean being sucked in, rude, flippant, lazy, complacent, lying i.e. playing the same game...

That means being watchful, resourceful, honest, straight, not wasting words or effort on lost causes, keeping a diary in a very secret location which can be shown to the authorities if / when needed, getting her own solicitor to ease liasons, and having a professional to befriend her such as a youth advisor.What would be the best response a 14 year old female can give when their mother blatantly lies to her?the 14yr old should move away from her mother into a foster home if its that badWhat would be the best response a 14 year old female can give when their mother blatantly lies to her?There is a book you should get called %26quot;Secrets of Power Conversation%26quot; it has s few sections that go over some techniques you can use when dealing with difficult individuals and will help you phrase your words in such a way that will get the desired results you want.What would be the best response a 14 year old female can give when their mother blatantly lies to her?wow...sounds like a day in the life me as a teenager. I see this happening to my younger brother now. I've given him a few pointers on how to avoid certain situations. Whether or not it can help in this situation is for you to see. When I would have a %26quot;conflict%26quot; with my father and it was'nt something he would want to hear I would just sugar coat anything he would suggest so I could get out of the situation. If he told me the sky was yellow and we all know it is what it is I would just agree for the sake of sanity. I have been accused of bieng out of line and threatened to have to police come %26quot;pick me up%26quot;, been, verbally, mentally and physically abused all because I actually challanged back with something he couldnt deal with. I suffered tremendously over this man....and Learned a great deal too. It's helped my little brother cope with living with this man now.

What I would suggest to this girl is to not argue back, not challange the mother and as much as it bothers her, just keep it cool. Has CPS not been called on the mother? Why hasnt the mother been evaulated for mental instability? Sounds like somethings greatly amiss in her head. I hope this girl finds a level ground. It's hard when you think or actually know that your parent is against you when they are suppose to be behind you.



I only have one more suggestion that worked for me....



Evenutal Emancipation when I was 16. Although depending on the laws of the states it could differ but I was able to in 1996.



Good luck on this!What would be the best response a 14 year old female can give when their mother blatantly lies to her?However the whatevers of it came to be, the good news is that the pros have been called in. I would encourage her to keep taking small steps down that corridor.



Resist the temptation to set yourself up as the knight in shining armor with a bag full of instant, microwave solutions. This is the journey of a lifetime. Just be there for her. Humbly. Supportively. Keep telling her she can get through this. Let it take a lifetime...What would be the best response a 14 year old female can give when their mother blatantly lies to her?She should start by trying to reduce her mother convictions start by “really? i don’t rember that but if you say it happened im sure it did”
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